~ A hilarious book on nuns, Catholic School, and funny anecdotes of going to school in the 1960s in a school operated by nuns. ~
Introducing the new book "I Don't BRAKE for Nuns!"
by Rick Phillips

FOREWORD


There are two types of adults in this world, as far as I can distinguish. Those who went to Catholic School, and those who are glad they didn’t. This book is to be enjoyed by both types of people.

The ones who went to Catholic School and endured the tyrant-like tirades of the nuns will identify with the experiences and observances depicted in this book. Folks who never went to Catholic School certainly have heard the stories about the parochial-style teaching methods employed by the nuns. Those who casually cruised through public school may come to think of Catholic School more like walking the plank of a pirate’s ship.

"Sister could put a-hurtin' on you really fast with her wide array of weapons. Most nuns were lethal in hand-to-hand combat, and they weren't shy about demonstrating their prowess on daydreaming pupils."

Oh, there are some who will say Catholic School wasn’t anything like that. The nuns were wonderful, and the experience was a delight. They may be right. Perhaps not every Catholic School was run like Joliet Prison. I’m sure you could find prisoners of war who would say that their incarceration was like a holiday in the Bavarian Forest. Or the Hanoi Hilton was really a Southeast Asian-style Club Med. I suggest that you think of these people as extraordinary, and their view of Catholic School as slightly out of focus.

“I Don’t Brake for Nuns” is a look at Catholic School in the 1960s through the eyes of a kid stuck right smack in the middle of a nun-run educational system. If you’ve never experienced an encounter with a nun, you have no idea what six hours a day with one can be like. This book will help shine a light on what that experience might be like through the eyes of a kid enduring the suffering.
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I always felt Don Rickles would have made a great nun. He had all the natural qualities that a great nun possesses. He had the innate ability to stand up in front of an audience and, one at a time, pick out individuals to berate. Nuns do it all the time. Rickles can abuse someone with personal insults and make the rest of the audience laugh. So can nuns. Rickles could walk around a room and have each person hold his breath, afraid of being singled out with an onslaught of mockery and derision. Nuns have been doing Rickles’ routine for generations. All Rickles would have to do is learn to slap, tweak, pinch, chop and gouge, and his repertoire would be complete for nunhood. Of course, there would be the problem of converting to Catholicism, and becoming neutered.

There are still some people out there afraid to admit that the nuns were lunatics, somehow fearing that they may be thrust back into time, forced to endure the wrath of a nun’s retribution. Well, I’m not afraid. Not any more, I’m not. Take a look around you. How many nuns do you see on the loose? Most of the truly dangerous ones have been rounded up by the authorities, or the militia, or vigilantes, quietly in the night, and whisked away, I suspect, to some home for wayward nuns.

Nuns are on the endangered species list now, and many former Catholic School kids like me rejoice in that fact. I say hallelujah! Those who survived Catholic School have a special bond, and it was the nuns that served as the glue. We look back on our school days fondly, knowing that we suffered and endured proudly, in true Catholic fashion. Catholics admire nothing more than one’s tolerance to pain and suffering. Being able to laugh about it later is what makes it so worthwhile.

~ A hilarious comedy about children enduring Catholic School in the 1960s - by Rick Phillips - “I DON’T BRAKE FOR NUNS!” RICKPHIL22@AOL.COM