A hilarious comedy about children enduring nuns, priests, and Catholic School in the 1960s - by Rick Phillips
“I DON’T BRAKE FOR NUNS!” by Rick Phillips delineates the day-to-day struggles that students encounter under the hyper-scrutiny of the nuns, all while being molded by a Catholic-style education. 

From the pugilistic prowess of the nuns to the joys of recess, the book reminds its readers how comical it was to be young, innocent and over-disciplined by psychopathic convent-dwellers.  The book explores the “Catholic Guilt” treatment, and the anti-social relationships between students and teachers.



EXCERPTS FROM "I DON'T BRAKE FOR NUNS!" - by Rick Phillips

From Ch. 1: The Ignominy of Immaculate Conception

I remember one day staring out the window, fixated on a spot that was still clear of condensation, allowing me a tiny porthole of a view to the outside world. It was still drizzling, an endless precipitation that only added to the dreary setting of misery going on inside the classroom.

Sister Agnes Marita droned on in her usual dictatorial drivel as I imagined the pleasure of standing in the cold rain, hitchhiking a ride, taking me far, far away from the captivity of that fifth-grade classroom.

Buttressing my enormously heavy head from full collapse onto my desk, I watched the cars across the street splash their way to their destinations. I imagined the motorists looking over at the school, laughing at my incarceration.



As the cars whizzed by, I could almost hear mothers in their cars warning their kids that they’d better behave lest they be sent off to the Catholic school. The scare tactic was far more pernicious to a kid than, say, threatening to tell Santa Claus of one’s year-long misbehavior. Missing a few presents at Christmas time could be endured. Day after day of Immaculate Conception was a sentence tantamount to being conscripted to a chain gang...

"Part of the training to becoming a nun occurs not in the chapel or convent, but in the gym. According to a nun, pugilism is next to godliness. We were all sure the nuns put in their roadwork, punched the heavy bag and did occasional sparring in their spare time."

Kids who didn’t go to I.C. didn’t even like to look over at the infamous, red-bricked building. They knew that kids their own age were paying a dear price with their youth by being forced to attend that parochial school.

Other kids basically blocked Immaculate Conception out of their minds. It’s kind of like how old people don’t look at cemeteries when they drive by one. They know it’s there. And they know how you get entrance there, too. They just try not to dwell on it.

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It was well understood that bumps on the head came courtesy of the ruler-wielding nuns. However, I never knew anyone who actually received a noggin lump from a nun. But the rest of the world was convinced that there were plenty of concussions going on inside those holy walls. How naive. There was a lot of mental scarring taking place. Permanent psychological damage, to be sure. But signs of physical injuries were rare.

The nuns were professionals. They didn’t leave bumps on heads for all to see. They slapped with open hands, pulled hair, slugged backs, tweaked ears, squeezed cheeks, clawed necks, yanked arms, and bullied kids all over the place, often times at the drop of a hat.

You never knew when you were going to get accosted or caught up in a nun’s tirade. It was usually when you least expected it. Surprise was a nun’s number-one assault tactic. That’s why if you were going to survive Catholic school, you had better be paying attention. At all times. Just daydreaming was cause enough for a nun to sneak up behind you and lower the boom on your head with a book.

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A hilarious comedy about children enduring Catholic School in the 1960s - by Rick Phillips - “I DON’T BRAKE FOR NUNS!” email RickPhil22@aol.com